The one when I’m convinced it’s over

I passed another clot thing yesterday morning. I was honestly scrutinizing it, thinking “is this my baby? Is this as big as a blueberry?”  Today while getting ready for the ultrasound and work, I told DH I felt it was over so if they saw anything it would be a happy surprise for me. He had faith we were good. But he’s always more positive than me.

I started crying before the tech came in. I was just so scared there would be nothing there. When she came in she was so understanding of how nervous I was. She said that she would explain everything she was seeing, and not to panic, sometimes it takes a minute to find it. But she found it no problem and in the split second between when it came on the screen and she pointed it out, I saw the heartbeat flashing away.


I have never felt so relieved.

She said the heart rate was 129 and I was measuring at 6w5d on some things and 6w6d on others.  I’m actually 6w5d, so that’s perfect.  The dr came in to talk to us after which I wasn’t expecting.  I thought it was just the ultrasound.  But because everything looked good, she released us to my regular OBGYN!  We graduated!

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I found this image on Pinterest, how perfect is it for me and my blog??  Hahaha

 

I still am in shock that this is real.  And I’m still scared of miscarriage.  But I was more scared of it not being real, so I’m feeling pretty relieved.  Figures my littlest sister is on vacation for the next few days, since she’s the first person we’re telling.  More waiting.  Even though this time it’s for something so good.

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28 thoughts on “The one when I’m convinced it’s over

  1. Congrats!
    If you are anything like me, I’m sorry to say your mind will continue to play tricks on you with the fear of a MC. Having had 4 Losses I went ahead and bought a heartbeat monitor on Amazon and at first I used it obsessively. At 14 weeks I’m better about it. I can go a few days without obsessively checking for it. It’s not a Doppler though, just a basic Wusic model. I could hear the heartbeat at week 9 very very faintly.
    My fertility clinic wouldn’t release me until week 11 so I just met my new OB. I miss my old docs/clinicians. It’s very bittersweet.
    I’m sorry about the clot things your getting. I think I’d be a spazz about that worse than I already am if that happened to me. Hell, I start to panic when I sneeze or cough hard and get a pain in my sides. Apparently that’s normal though. You got this! The little swirly heartbeat is the best thing. I got a video of it off the monitor and I watch it now and again to make myself smile.

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    1. Yeah, I’m still worried by my lack of symptoms. DH says “you know it’s there, you saw it yesterday.” I think it’s just one of those things. The worry is always going to be there, it’ll just change what it’s about over time.

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    1. Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with those things. I wish they could tell me exactly what it was so that they could truly say it’s nothing to worry about. She did say that she didn’t see any evidence of a bleed, like it was a good thing… I guess if it didn’t come from around the baby it doesn’t matter as much? Beats me. I’ll just continue to panic every time, I’m sure. ❤

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  2. So happy the scan went well! I can totally relate to your feelings of being scared before the scan! Congratulations on your graduation and hoping you don’t suffer too much with pregnancy symptoms. I really recommend acupuncture – my sickness went soon after at week 8! So happy for you!!!! xx

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