One thing that has been reassuring me that this pregnancy is really real is that I have had absolutely no spotting. So of course that had to end. TMI coming, so skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want to read it (especially since family and friends who really might not want quite this much info about our journey may be reading these posts at some point!) On Tuesday morning at work, I went to the bathroom. There was slight “straining” to go. My digestive system is all out of whack due to pregnancy. After I stood up, I looked down and it looked like there was red under the fold of toilet paper. So of course I had to find out… I used the plunger to flip over the toilet paper and saw it. It was like a clump of clear egg-white-ish mucous with some bright red in it.
My immediate thought was rational… It’s completely normal to have some spotting. But it’s also sometimes a bad sign. I texted DH and his reply was “eww”, which totally set me off. I guess I wanted him to panic because then it would be my job to reassure him that it can be totally normal, and then I wouldn’t be worrying about it. So then I was fighting back tears and in a complete panic at work, thinking of the possibility that it was over. That it had never really begun. He wanted me to call the clinic but I told him I knew that they’d say to take it easy and to call again if it progressed or if I got bad cramps. So I just followed that advice. He called me a zillion times at work to check if anything else had come out and how I felt. He also asked some questions that made it clear that he had turned to Dr Google, which was funny because he usually relies on me for the research. There was nothing else for the whole rest of the day. I know because I went to the bathroom to check about 37 times.
Wednesday morning the same exact thing happened at home, but a little less this time. I really felt mostly ok about it, even though a little part of me was in a complete panic the whole time. DH called me at work and just said in this sad, begging voice “please can you call the nurses”. I told him again that even though bleeding and cramping can be a sign of miscarriage, it is usually nothing and quite common. But he needed to hear it from them. So I called and left a message. When they called back I told her exactly what I saw, she asked if I had any cramping. I do, but I told her it doesn’t feel any worse than normal. She said that it doesn’t sound like anything major and to call back if it turns into an actual bleed, or if the cramps get bad. They always are so nice, even when you’re calling about the most minor things, things they probably answer a million times a day. I feel like they really get how nerve-wracking it all is and they really just want to reassure you.
Last night I cried again at my PIO injection. I barely felt it go in, but then once he started injecting, it hurt pretty badly. Tears started streaming and I asked if he was moving the needle. It felt like he was bending it over inside me. Of course he hadn’t moved it a micrometer (I just looked up what was smaller than a millimeter…). I can’t wait for those to be done. And then I feel guilty for wanting that, like wishing for it to be over is going to make the pregnancy stop so that I can be finished with shots.
I did talk to the clinic on Sunday and got them to give me an earlier ultrasound than they had originally scheduled. It’s on Monday, which is 6w5d. She said it’s definitely late enough to see that there’s something in the sac, and it might be possible to see the hb, but not for sure, so it’s ok if I don’t. I still have the one scheduled for next Monday, when I’ll be 7w5d. I suppose if they do see the hb on the first one, they may cancel the second one on me. But I’m certainly not going to bring it up. Of course I want to see as much as possible.
As long as we can see something on Monday, we’re going to start telling our immediate family. So hopefully we have a couple of really happy, excited weeks ahead. We’ll tell extended family and friends after the first trimester is through. We have a plan for that as well.