The one where I don’t know how I’ll make it

Let me start by saying the third beta was good.


The blood draw was this morning. The office was the busiest I’ve seen it on a Saturday at 6:30am. I signed in and had to wait 45 minutes for my 2 minute blood draw. Usually I get the email from the clinic around 12. I’ve never had to wait past 130. So you can imagine how anxious I was at 3:20 when I finally threw in the waiting towel and called them. The nurse said they were still in the process of sending out the messages, that it was busy today. She looked me up and told me the number. It was higher than I had calculated it should be by tomorrow, so that means it increased a little over double every 2 days. So I’m very happy with that.  It also said I could stop putting the smurfy pills up my hoo-ha. So I’m also very happy with that. 😂
The part that makes me feel like I’m not gonna make it is that my ultrasound is 16 days from now. Sixteen. SIXTEEN. SIXTEEN. I have to continue to wonder if there’s an actual baby growing in me for the next sixteen days. I don’t know if I can stand that. I don’t know if we can hold in the news that long, as we still haven’t told anyone. Since we have special ways planned to tell our immediate family, I don’t want to do that and then take it back. If I give my sister something that says she’s going to be an auntie, and then this isn’t real, what’s there to do next time if it’s real?

Do we wait? I’ll be 7 weeks 5 days by the time of that ultrasound.  Do we continue our original plan? Do I call and try to get an earlier US? Do we scrap our plan and risk telling them when it’s not real?  I don’t know how I’m going to make it until then without telling.  I don’t know how I’m going to make it until then without knowing.

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19 thoughts on “The one where I don’t know how I’ll make it

  1. I’m SO very happy for you and wish you all the patience in the world as this is a tough wait. You’ve gotten this far and you’re well on your way to meeting your little one! Congrats!

    Liked by 1 person

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