The one where I have more positive HPTs

I poas’ed again yesterday and today.  They’re still faint, so I’m still worried about low beta numbers.  But today I’m pregnant.  And I have been since Sunday.  That’s 4 days worth of being something I’ve never been before.  And it’s incredible to think about.  I had to line up all my tests to see if they were truly getting darker.

Sorry if that picture is huge.  I did that on purpose so I can really look close! haha.  It’s a very subtle difference, but I think they get progressively darker.

For our wedding anniversary, DH and I get each other “traditional” gifts.  You know, 1st year-paper, 2nd year-cotton, 3rd year-leather, etc.  One of his ‘cotton’ gifts was a tshirt that says “Best. Husband. Ever.”  So when we first started ttc, I got him a shirt that says “Best. Dad. Ever.”  I’ve been waiting and waiting to surprise him with pregnancy news by giving him that shirt.  It’s been tucked away, hiding, for 23 months.  23 times that sperm failed to meet egg.  1 failed fresh transfer after IVF (I suppose that time sperm didn’t fail to meet egg, we used ICSI!).

When I saw the faintest of faint lines on Sunday morning, it wasn’t what I thought it would be.  I’m happy, but my doubt and fear are keeping that happiness from soaring.  I literally went back to bed without even waking DH.  When we both got up, I decided to show it to him.  No fancy surprises, no special way.  I just showed him.  He said “oh, good”.  Not even “OH Good!”  I asked him why he wasn’t more excited.  I suppose that wasn’t really a fair question since I myself was underwhelmed by it.  But he said “Well, you told me that the shots can give you a positive pregnancy test because it’s the same hormone.  So maybe it’s just from that.  I’ll be excited if the dr says the numbers are good.”  Here’s where your husband understanding the ins and outs of your cycle and hormones can backfire.  He was thinking of the HCG trigger shot that he gave me before egg retrieval back in May.  I had explained how some girls test every day so they can watch that leave their system and then see if it comes back due to a successful transfer.  When I explained that was a different shot, one that I didn’t take this time, that I could only get a positive test result from an implanted embryo, he perked up.  He’s still cautious about it, like me, but he knows, right now, I’m pregnant.  Now I’m thinking of when I should give him the shirt, if everything progresses.  I’m leaning towards after the scan where we can see a heartbeat.  I feel like, for me, that’s when it’ll be “official.”

I still have lower back pain, I’ve had a lot of heartburn (which I had stopped getting once the dr made me lose a few pounds), and I feel so bloated and “full” (which I don’t totally get since this was only an FET: no enlarged ovaries and follicles causing that feeling).  I actually went to Target last night and got a couple of pairs of pj shorts in a bigger size, as the elastic band on the ones I already own feel like too much pressure (even though they’re not tight).  Today at work, my pants are undone and I’m wearing a belly band instead.

My beta is tomorrow morning and the clinic said they call you with the results whether it’s positive or negative.  Obviously I know I’ll have a positive, but I can’t wait to hear if the number sounds good.  Which is hard, because they can fluctuate so much and still be totally normal.  So who knows.

Do any of you still have anything special planned for “telling” your husband?