The one where I have more positive HPTs

I poas’ed again yesterday and today.  They’re still faint, so I’m still worried about low beta numbers.  But today I’m pregnant.  And I have been since Sunday.  That’s 4 days worth of being something I’ve never been before.  And it’s incredible to think about.  I had to line up all my tests to see if they were truly getting darker.

IMG_0540

Sorry if that picture is huge.  I did that on purpose so I can really look close! haha.  It’s a very subtle difference, but I think they get progressively darker.

For our wedding anniversary, DH and I get each other “traditional” gifts.  You know, 1st year-paper, 2nd year-cotton, 3rd year-leather, etc.  One of his ‘cotton’ gifts was a tshirt that says “Best. Husband. Ever.”  So when we first started ttc, I got him a shirt that says “Best. Dad. Ever.”  I’ve been waiting and waiting to surprise him with pregnancy news by giving him that shirt.  It’s been tucked away, hiding, for 23 months.  23 times that sperm failed to meet egg.  1 failed fresh transfer after IVF (I suppose that time sperm didn’t fail to meet egg, we used ICSI!).

When I saw the faintest of faint lines on Sunday morning, it wasn’t what I thought it would be.  I’m happy, but my doubt and fear are keeping that happiness from soaring.  I literally went back to bed without even waking DH.  When we both got up, I decided to show it to him.  No fancy surprises, no special way.  I just showed him.  He said “oh, good”.  Not even “OH Good!”  I asked him why he wasn’t more excited.  I suppose that wasn’t really a fair question since I myself was underwhelmed by it.  But he said “Well, you told me that the shots can give you a positive pregnancy test because it’s the same hormone.  So maybe it’s just from that.  I’ll be excited if the dr says the numbers are good.”  Here’s where your husband understanding the ins and outs of your cycle and hormones can backfire.  He was thinking of the HCG trigger shot that he gave me before egg retrieval back in May.  I had explained how some girls test every day so they can watch that leave their system and then see if it comes back due to a successful transfer.  When I explained that was a different shot, one that I didn’t take this time, that I could only get a positive test result from an implanted embryo, he perked up.  He’s still cautious about it, like me, but he knows, right now, I’m pregnant.  Now I’m thinking of when I should give him the shirt, if everything progresses.  I’m leaning towards after the scan where we can see a heartbeat.  I feel like, for me, that’s when it’ll be “official.”

I still have lower back pain, I’ve had a lot of heartburn (which I had stopped getting once the dr made me lose a few pounds), and I feel so bloated and “full” (which I don’t totally get since this was only an FET: no enlarged ovaries and follicles causing that feeling).  I actually went to Target last night and got a couple of pairs of pj shorts in a bigger size, as the elastic band on the ones I already own feel like too much pressure (even though they’re not tight).  Today at work, my pants are undone and I’m wearing a belly band instead.

My beta is tomorrow morning and the clinic said they call you with the results whether it’s positive or negative.  Obviously I know I’ll have a positive, but I can’t wait to hear if the number sounds good.  Which is hard, because they can fluctuate so much and still be totally normal.  So who knows.

Do any of you still have anything special planned for “telling” your husband?

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20 thoughts on “The one where I have more positive HPTs

  1. yes! the line is definitely getting darker! That is so exciting, and it’s great that you are living in the moment and looking at the positives. I will be praying that you get great numbers at your first beta appointment!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The line is definitely getting darker!

    I bought a book about dad’s. And was going to make a card that said “hi daddy”. The book is buried somewhere…I try not to think about it.

    Good luck for tomorrow! Can’t wait to hear how it goes!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh there’s no way not to see that line is getting darker! That’s so awesome to see! My fingers are crossed so freakin tight for tomorrow’s beta. It will feel like the longest wait in the world from blood draw to phone call but I’m sure you’ll have awesome numbers. Even if it’s low, it’s not a bad thing. They just need to rise properly. I’m so very happy for you! Enjoy seeing those lines because if you’re anything like me, you’ll have to keep checking them to make sure they’re still positive haha!

    For our first IUI + way back 2 years ago, DH was working out of town and thought we would test together when he got home. I caved and tested early because I had a ‘feeling’. I made him a Welcome Home Daddy sign with balloons and everything. It was so exciting and we both cried. We were so naive back then but it was a blissful ignorance. Celebrate it as much as you can! You’ll never look back and be upset to have had hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ohhhh yes! That’s darkening up nicely. I hate how long they take to call you! Ugh. Hoping for a GREAT beta for you tomorrow! I’m so excited! (Is that weird?)

    No special ideas for hubs here. I POAS tonight and said “it’s faint but it’s there” and he said “cool” because we’ve been “burned” before. He’s said to me before our journey is different and the cute surprise things are out of the cards for us and that’s okay.

    Crossing my fingers for you tomorrow!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know how I missed your comment! The “surprise” is out of the cards, but I think we should hang on to the stuff we always wanted to do. We just have to adapt. I came home to pretty flowers and a card yesterday after the positive beta. And I’m still doing the tshirt thing for DH, it just won’t be a “surprise! I’m pregnant!” thing anymore. It’ll be a “yay, there’s a heartbeat, it’s official!!” thing. Hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

  5. OH this is so wonderful!! Congrats!!It’s funny, i explained all the testing to my husband too. And our anniversary was also recently. Oh and I immediately needed to buy new clothes – bras and shorts and pants that were loose and comofortable. Wishing you soooo much luck with your beta and can’t wait to read your update!

    Liked by 1 person

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