The one where my sister holds my hand

Yesterday morning when I got ready for work, I decided to wear my “good luck” bracelet and earrings that I wore all through our last cycle.  Since my BFN, I’ve been taking the opportunity to wear other jewelry.  But I’ve been hoping for the insurance approval to come through for the FET, so I figured I’d put them on.  Around lunchtime, I had a sudden urge to check the clinic’s patient portal to see if there was any news.  There was a message waiting that it had been approved and they had ordered my meds and to stop taking BC last night!  Yay!  I called the pharmacy right away to go over the order with them since I still had a few things left over from last month, and they couldn’t even see the order yet, so I must’ve looked for that message right after they posted it which is kind of funny.  So meds are being delivered tomorrow and I’m just waiting for CD1 to show her annoying face.

So about my sister.  This is just something I was so thankful for, and I guess it just made me want to share.  We were recently at a gathering of sorts.  Someone sat next to me and was chatting with me.  This person knows that we’re struggling to have a baby, but does not know that we’re doing IVF (and even if they did, in all likelihood, they do not understand what it involves physically, mentally, and especially emotionally).  They started saying some things that were meant to be reassuring, I’m sure, but because of what we’re going through specifically, were actually slowly breaking my heart with each word.  I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.  My sister was sitting on my other side and was not part of the conversation, but she could hear what was being said.  She discreetly reached under the table and put her hand on my leg and I reached down and put mine on top of hers and she just held my hand while I endured these words, until I was able to successfully change the subject.


I was so grateful for this simple act.  I felt like I sucked the support right through her hand and was able to keep myself together.  This is one of the reasons that I knew I wanted those closest to us to know what was going on (even though I’m totally lying about the timing to them… They all think that our appointment to even discuss an FET cycle is still a few weeks away).  We all need support sometimes.  Sometimes at totally unexpected moments when they just happen to be in the right place at the right time.  This is a difficult path we’re all on.


I hope you all have your trusted people who are able to be there for you when you need it.  Anyone else have stories of perfectly timed support?


14 thoughts on “The one where my sister holds my hand

  1. I got a little teary eyed reading about your sister. It’s wonderful when other people can recognize the need for comfort and doing something small without even being asked. My husband is great at this and I’m thankful for that. Congrats on the approval and start of the next step of your journey. All the luck and prayers to you girl! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the quote about holding hands, and your sister being there for you in that moment was so amazing.

    As you read recently, my boss was my surrogate mother when I found out about our pregnancy loss at work. Reminding me to breath, holding me a I wept- I am so lucky she was there.

    Keep on trucking, I can’t wait for you to go through the FET process!!


  3. Wow that made me well up. What an amazing thing to have such a supportive sister, and others too. That couldn’t have been better timing! This journey can suck the life out of you and reduce you to nothing in one unexpected instant. I’m so happy you have your sister there for you.

    What incredible timing for your new cycle too! It was meant to be that you checked at that very moment. I’m excited that you’ll be starting very soon 🙂 Best of luck for this time around, I’m so confident that this is your time. Can’t wait to hear how it all goes!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! Yes, it was very unexpected because I’ve been feeling totally good about everything. But the things said just cut right through me even though, like I said, it was meant to be nice. I don’t want to repeat it because I toy with the idea of showing this blog to family and friends at some point. I felt really lucky that my sister was still sitting right next to me when it happened.

      I’ll definitely be posting about, especially since it’s totally new to me. I’m nervous about the Estrace, I’ve heard from others that it made them kind of rage-y. Haha. I was on it last time but only 1 pill and I think it’s several this time around!

      I hope you’re right!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve done 4 FET now and I can honestly say the Estrace has never really bothered me. The pressure, nerves and anxiety of the impending transfer is 100 times worse than the effects of the meds. If you got through the stim phase and egg retrieval, FET will be a breeze!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. oh that’s so sweet of your sister, so nice that she was there. I was at an event with my husband’s work colleagues and ended up being stuck next to someone who had just announced her pregnancy (after only just getting married) and the conversation was then dominated by everyone around her talking to her about it etc. My husband overheard what was going on and called me over to join in a conversation he was having with other people so that I was able to get away without coming across as rude..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is such a beautiful post! I’m so glad your sister was there in that moment. I think one of the hardest parts of this process is feeling lonely so it’s nice your sister understood the power of those words and the pain they could cause and helped you through it.

    I was at my husbands work BBQ last month sitting next to a couple that had a small baby. My husband and I were commenting that the baby is so cute and the father of the baby said to us ” Does it make you guys want to have one?” I felt my heart plunge into my stomach. My husband and I exchanged a look and he quickly disengaged from the conversation asking me if I wanted a drink. Having him close by and offer me some wine rally helped.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t know which sister it was (obviously not me!) but I’m glad she was there. I just teared up a little for you and wish I was there for support ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. crying real tears reading this. thankful for each of my beautiful sisters each and every day, even if you annoy the blimmin heck out of me in our group chat.

    Liked by 2 people

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