The one when we recover

As promised:

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Ah, to be 30 days younger and so naïve… Hahaha.

The last PIO shot was the night before the negative beta, Wednesday.  It’s now Monday and CD1 is finally here.  I started injections on May 6th, and on June 6th, CD1.  I’ll be starting the BC again tomorrow.  Surprisingly, I didn’t end up crying about our BFN.  Thursday night we went out to dinner so I could have a decent margarita.  My baby sister works at a restaurant and she used to be a hostess but it was her first shift being a server and I wanted to go support her.  And she supported me by serving me a margarita as big as my head.9d048c96e282a3d541b38a7dec6e5a74

That night, in bed with DH, I waited for the tears to come, but I think I was just too tired.  Friday at work, I was very down, and I was fighting back tears all day.  I hoped they’d wait until I got out.  But on my way home, I swear I could feel myself returning to myself.  It was like the drugs in my system from Wednesday night only lasted until then, I felt normal all of a sudden.  I even found myself singing along to the radio.  I remember during stims, DH made a silly joking comment about me freaking out about something because of the hormones and I said “I don’t feel like I’ve been bad really.  I expected to be crazy.” He said “No, you haven’t.  You’ve just been quiet… I don’t like it.”  Which actually surprised me.  I’m a pretty loud person.  And the drugs kind of subdued me.  But I was surprised to hear him voice that, had I given it any thought, I would’ve thought he might enjoy it.  But he said it’s not me.  Cue the “awww”s.  My husband loves me as I am, annoyingly loud and all.

Saturday we went into Boston for the afternoon, had some yummy pizza and people watched at Faneuil Hall.  We had tickets to a comedy show at 8.  Neither one of us had ever been to an actual comedy show at an actual comedy club.  The openers weren’t that great, but we thought the headliner was hilarious.  We both really enjoyed him.  Originally, I had thought that going would get us out of our funk.  But by Saturday we really weren’t in one, we just enjoyed the show because it was good.

So our WTF appointment is scheduled for a week from today.  Hopefully they’ve heard back about insurance approval by then for the FET.  I’m feeling positive overall, about the upcoming FET, and about the failed cycle that’s barely over.  I don’t know if it’s normal to feel so normal so soon, but I’m just glad to feel normal again, so I don’t think I really care!  Everyone deals differently and on different time frames.  Am I disappointed it didn’t work first shot?  Sure.  But it’s certainly not going to hold me back.

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18 thoughts on “The one when we recover

  1. You have an amazing outlook on this whole process! And I don’t think there’s ever any right or wrong way to deal with it all… Dealing with emotions and disappointments can’t ever have a time frame, so definitely don’t feel bad that you were able to move forward quicker than you may have thought. If anything, count it as a blessing that you were given the ability to be resilient through it all – your a rock star and inspiration!!

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    1. Thank you! So true, everyone deals differently. I know some girls are reeeeaaallly upset to lose an embryo. But I wasn’t thinking of it as a baby yet. I think that’s why I’m more accepting of it than I anticipated.

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  2. I initially went around the house cleaning angrily after my BNF with the fresh transfer… Which was quite a sight to behold. Stuffing trash into a bag angrily. It was kinda funny now that I think about it.
    The tears came later.

    Everybody copes their own way.

    The hormones do a number on you though… The time I felt this best was doing the Lurpon protocol for the FET. JUST LUPRON. I wasn’t controlled by hormones… Then we added the estrogen and I went crazy again. Whomp Whomp.

    But I’m glad your still remaining positive! My doc has a higher FET success too. Hoping I get a BFP next week… But I’m not holding my breath.

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    1. It’s true, it might hit me at some unexpected time even though I feel ok about it now. You never know.

      I’m curious to find out at our WTF appointment what drugs I might be on for an FET cycle. I’ve never done one so I don’t know what my clinic might use. Hopefully I’ll feel fairly normal through it. But even if I don’t, it’ll be fine. I didn’t even realize really until I started feeling normal again that I hadn’t been feeling normal. I mean, I did, but I guess I didn’t realize exactly how off I was. It wasn’t too bad.

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  3. So, I just have to let you know, seeing that there is a meme about IVF not working on the first try just made me feel so good! haha, like if there is a meme for it, then I am definitely not alone! haha, thanks for the post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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