I debated telling this story. I really thought maybe I was being too sensitive. But it really bothered me. And I think stuff like this bothers a lot of you too.
Yesterday afternoon I was getting ready to leave work. There was a guy, C, in my boss’s office. He’s a customer of my workplace, as is his daughter who happened to come in with her toddler son at the same time C was here. He’s a creeper and sometimes kind of rude too. None of us like him much (maybe that has something to do with why I was so bothered by what he said). So the toddler was talking with his Grampy C while the mom did her business. Then she called him out because it was time to go. The little boy was cute and sweetly said bye to C. As that was happening, I had to walk into my boss’s office to put a paper on her desk before I left. As I’m walking out, he says to me “You know… if you play your cards right, you could have one of these!” I kind of just mmhhmm’ed at him as I walked out and then I left work. And I fought back tears the whole way home while my mind spun different things I wish I could say.
“If I play my cards right”??? Oh, there’s a protocol I have to follow, and then I can magically be pregnant?? You have no idea ass-hat. I’ve spent my whole life ‘playing my cards right.’ I didn’t sleep around, I stayed out of trouble, I finished school and became independent, I searched and searched for my husband, I married him, we bought a house. I did everything you’re ‘supposed’ to do!
As you can imagine, this spiraled, and circled back, and just drove me crazy all around on my way home.
This morning, I asked my boss if she said anything to him, and what happened after I walked out. She said she figured I wouldn’t want her to say anything to him (she knows that we’ve had some fertility appointments), even if it was sort of to shut him down or put him in his place. So she just said his name (like scolding a child), and he responded dismissively “Oh, she doesn’t even want babies…” My boss scoffed at him and said “Of course she wants babies” and changed the subject to avoid anything else being said.
Before I was experiencing infertility with DH, I never thought too much of all the things people say about other people’s reproductive choices/activities. I mean, I found all the questions of “when” mildly annoying, but nothing beyond that. Now, I realize that people should just keep their traps shut. I think most people in your life that ask you questions of when, or make comments about getting going with it and stuff like that do it from an innocent place. They care for you and are just making conversation, or are excited for you, or even excited for themselves to experience your children. So for those people that are saying stuff that’s seemingly nice, I wish they would realize that maybe they have no idea what you’re going through and it might hurt to hear things like that. My mom said about this whole thing that you never know what someone is going through so you should always be kind. And I agree wholeheartedly. But these people in our lives aren’t being unkind… they don’t mean to hurt us with their questions and comments. I wish I could educate the masses about these innocent things.
Things like this get to you too, right?