The one with the Ass-hat

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I debated telling this story.  I really thought maybe I was being too sensitive.  But it really bothered me.  And I think stuff like this bothers a lot of you too.

Yesterday afternoon I was getting ready to leave work.  There was a guy, C, in my boss’s office.  He’s a customer of my workplace, as is his daughter who happened to come in with her toddler son at the same time C was here.  He’s a creeper and sometimes kind of rude too.  None of us like him much (maybe that has something to do with why I was so bothered by what he said).  So the toddler was talking with his Grampy C while the mom did her business.  Then she called him out because it was time to go.  The little boy was cute and sweetly said bye to C.  As that was happening, I had to walk into my boss’s office to put a paper on her desk before I left.  As I’m walking out, he says to me “You know… if you play your cards right, you could have one of these!”  I kind of just mmhhmm’ed at him as I walked out and then I left work.  And I fought back tears the whole way home while my mind spun different things I wish I could say.

“If I play my cards right”???  Oh, there’s a protocol I have to follow, and then I can magically be pregnant??  You have no idea ass-hat.  I’ve spent my whole life ‘playing my cards right.’  I didn’t sleep around, I stayed out of trouble, I finished school and became independent, I searched and searched for my husband, I married him, we bought a house.  I did everything you’re ‘supposed’ to do!

As you can imagine, this spiraled, and circled back, and just drove me crazy all around on my way home.

This morning, I asked my boss if she said anything to him, and what happened after I walked out.  She said she figured I wouldn’t want her to say anything to him (she knows that we’ve had some fertility appointments), even if it was sort of to shut him down or put him in his place.  So she just said his name (like scolding a child), and he responded dismissively “Oh, she doesn’t even want babies…”  My boss scoffed at him and said “Of course she wants babies” and changed the subject to avoid anything else being said.

Before I was experiencing infertility with DH, I never thought too much of all the things people say about other people’s reproductive choices/activities.  I mean, I found all the questions of “when” mildly annoying, but nothing beyond that.  Now, I realize that people should just keep their traps shut.  I think most people in your life that ask you questions of when, or make comments about getting going with it and stuff like that do it from an innocent place.  They care for you and are just making conversation, or are excited for you, or even excited for themselves to experience your children.  So for those people that are saying stuff that’s seemingly nice, I wish they would realize that maybe they have no idea what you’re going through and it might hurt to hear things like that.  My mom said about this whole thing that you never know what someone is going through so you should always be kind.  And I agree wholeheartedly.  But these people in our lives aren’t being unkind… they don’t mean to hurt us with their questions and comments.  I wish I could educate the masses about these innocent things.

Things like this get to you too, right?

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4 thoughts on “The one with the Ass-hat

  1. I have the luxury of only going into my office about once a month. There’s a guy that I share a cube wall with who is from another country and doesn’t quite understand that some topics are not really appropriate office convo. Without fail every month he will ask me why I’m not pregnant yet, tell me I’m not getting any younger, tell me that my husband must want kids by now, and tell me about all of his sisters who are constantly having babies.

    I used to hide in the bathroom and cry. Now I tell him there are some things you shouldn’t ask a woman at work. I genuinely like the guy and realize the comments are just ignorance on his part. We have worked together for years now. I would rather he learn from me than run around offending people he doesn’t know as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg. That must be so hard. I mean, the part about ‘your husband must want kids by now’ especially. Hearing that would obviously make you feel blamed. I wouldn’t be able to keep my composure either. It’s really kind of you to take it upon yourself to say something to him, even if you don’t go into any detail. I cried a little just talking to my boss about the guy this morning. I’m not glad that anyone else is hurt by things like this, but at the same time, I’m glad I’m not alone in being bothered by it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a huge issue for me! I am getting to the point that I can’t react politely. I, too, wish I could educate the masses. The problem is even if you tried, there would be so many who still wouldn’t understand or care and would just continue to ask and say inappropriate things.

    I wish I had something helpful to say, but I’m also really frustrated by people who do similar things right now…all I want to do is say something to make them feel awkward back. It’s all so unfair….so many times we have to be the bigger person. I hope you feel better knowing you aren’t alone..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, it’s not really possible to actually educate the masses. I guess we can only pick when we’re feeling up to it and feel that someone might be receptive to hearing our view. I’m big on people just being the bigger person, I just wish we didn’t have to do it all the time, while going through this hurt. Thanks for your encouragement!

      Like

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